First Date
by iesnoth
Summary: This is a oneshot of Artemis and my OCs first date. It started as an experiment to write an OC that wasn't a Mary-Sue, and has now become a full-blown fanfiction! Please give it a look and tell me how she measures up. :


**A/N: This is a romantic oneshot meant to see if an OC can date Artemis without being a Mary-Sue. However, this is not determined by me. Please read and review, and tell me what you think!**

**I am American girl. So no, I am not Eoin Colfer. I'm still holding to the hope that Artemis is real. .o  
**

"This might seem stupid," Victoria murmured to the Irishman beside her as they stood in front of the cinema. "But I didn't think they would have movie theaters in Ireland. At least, when I think 'Ireland,' movies never would have come to mind."

"Well, when I consider 'United States of America,' 'directionally challenged, redheaded sociopaths' never came to my mind, either." The young mastermind grinned evilly. "And then you came along." His partner was suddenly tempted to assail him with particularly sloppy taekwondo. He wisely changed the subject. "So, what film do you wish to see?"

The redhead squinted at the row of posters for a few minutes. Three were American films, another three she had never heard of, and one was in Gaelic, so she couldn't even read the title. She sighed heavily as she contemplated her options, and her companion sighed in impatient frustration.

"In hindsight, it might have been more prudent to research the movies before having Butler drive us all the way out here."

Victoria smirked. "Artemis Fowl, it is _obvious_ you have never been on a date before."

"What do you mean by that?"

Now it was the girl's turn to change the subject. "Which one would _you_ like to see?"

"Well," Artemis stroked his chin thoughtfully. "_Square Root of Maturity_ looks intriguing but-" the boy genius moved his hand to cover a slight blush on his cheeks, "-Juliet commented that _Our Love Endures_ would be a good date movie."

Victoria blushed as well. "R-really."

"Yes, well..."

The two stared at the row of posters a moment longer, both trying to recover from the connotations of attending a date movie together. Artemis recovered first.

"Is there any film you would really like to see? If not, I will hail Butler and we can find something else to do."

Victoria nodded profusely. "Sounds good. It's not good form to laugh at chick flicks in the theater anyway." Artemis smiled genuinely at his partner, then made a subtle gesture to his bodyguard, who was in a nondescript, black Bentley twenty yards down the street.

"So, my lady, what would you like to do on our official 'first date'?"

Victoria blushed again, but didn't attempt to hide it. It was the good kind of blushing. "I still think the movie thing is a good idea. Maybe just a home movie though."

The couple's feet matched in stride and pace as they crossed the street.

"What kind of movies do you have?"

"Mostly children's movies- films weren't really a staple in our house until the twins came along."

"Ohh... well, that's OK. I brought some of my favorites- ohmygosh!" The American skipped a step. "Have you seen _Treasure Planet_?"

"Isn't that the Disney animated rendition of _Treasure Island_ that didn't do so well in the box office? No, I haven't-"

"Eep! We _HAVE_ to watch it!"

The genius groaned, but it was half-hearted. "Some how, I feel I'm going to regret this..."

"What are you two doing back?" Angeline Fowl wondered aloud when Artemis, Victoria, and Butler came in through the kitchen door. "Did something go wrong?" The twins, who were sitting on the kitchen island eating freshly baked cookies, perked up at the promise of scandal.

"Yeah," The American grinned, snagging a cookie as she walked by. "There were no good movies to see."

"We'll be watching a film in my study, Moth- Mom." Artemis reported, grabbing a cookie for himself and Butler. He passed the larger treat to his bodyguard. "Butler, could you prepare some popcorn for us, please?"

"Nom!" Came a choked cry from the door to the dining room. Victoria coughed a few times, then continued. "No! We are making popcorn ourselves! But first..." the redhead crossed back to the genius, grabbed his arm, and began to pull; "We're going to build a fort."

Angeline, Butler, and the twins watched as the American dragged her Irish boyfriend away, her grunting at his stubbornness and him trying not to laugh.

"My little Arty is all grown up." Angeline smiled nostalgically. "Every since they got together... I've never seen him so happy."

"I've never seen her so happy." Butler added with a small smile. "They are good for each other."

"I just hope she doesn't break his sanity." The mother noted, stacking the cookies on a china plate and covering them with Saran Wrap. Butler chuckled, scavenging a bag of popcorn kernels and a large bowl from the cabinets.

"His sanity will be fine. I hope he doesn't break her brain."

"Grab those pillows over there. I've brought all the pillows and stuffed animals from my room. We'll go strip your bed next." Victoria dropped her load of plush onto the study's couch and turned to the genius, hands on wide hips in a comical display.

"I'm sorry," Artemis chuckled, coming back from retrieving the small pillows from the recliners in front of the study's fireplace, "I'm still not sure what we're doing."

"We're making a fort," she repeated. "You know, like when you were a kid?"

"Well," Artemis rubbed the back of his neck. "I have designed a few high-security buildings in my career, but I don't see how that applies-"

"Neither do I." Victoria was looking at him very queerly. "I'm talking about building a fort out of blankets, pillows, and precariously balanced chairs. I did it with my siblings all the time when I was little."

"So-" the Irishman was spun around as the girl grabbed the sleeve of his button-down shirt and dragged him toward his room. "- we are making a faux fort?"

"Yes, because you have had a deprived childhood." She tossed him a pillow from his bed. "And it's friggin fun."

The two spent the next two hours making their fort, and Artemis insisted on drawing up blueprints first, taking into account the amount of resources and space they were dealing with. Then came the actual construction, which was interspersed with pillow fights and lectures on a chair's center of gravity and how to maintain that center while hanging blankets from it.

The final edifice was five feet tall, with three bedrooms, a living room, bookcases (Artemis's idea), and a cubby for holding snacks (Victoria's idea). The fort's living room was centered in front of the large flat screen, and the wall opened up so the whole television was visible. This room they stocked with all the leftover pillows and stuffed animals, and Artemis installed makeshift cup holders in the middle. The whole creation branched off from the couch itself.

Artemis and Victoria stood back and admired their creation.

"That-is the best fort in the history of forts."

"I must agree," the genius smirked. "Other plush countries will quiver in their proverbial boots."

Victoria elbowed him. "Let's go get popcorn." By now it was suppertime, so after a light dinner with the rest of the family, the two youths made their refreshments (though Artemis insisted he could come up with a more efficient means of popping popcorn in the time it took the air popper to make it), and stowed away in their fort, DVD in the player and remote in hand.

"You know, after all the stuff we've done today," Victoria sighed, sliding down onto her mound of pillows, "this feels a bit anticlimactic."

Artemis mimicked her actions, lounging back on a makeshift recliner, his top two shirt buttons undone. "I thought you said this was a great movie." He smirked, and she hit him.

"Just press play."

Victoria spent most of the movie squeeing and blurting out random movie facts, and Artemis spent most of the movie pointing out discrepancies in how Disney portrayed space and pretending not to be amused.

"I don't know what you see in this- child," he pouted as his companion squealed at Jim's animated, lopsided smile. "Sure, he may be intelligent in his galaxy, but I constructed my first computer server when I was six and a half, and learned to speak binary before that, and-"

"Sounds like someone is jea-lous," Victoria sing-songed, biting into another handful of popcorn.

"He's animated." Artemis deadpanned.

"He's hot." The redhead insisted, leaning toward her date to emphasize the point, her eyes half-lidded in faux desire. Artemis, at a loss for a better comeback, coolly flicked her in the forehead.

"Hey!" She protested. "Don't worry, you're hot too, in a nerdy, sort of obnoxious way."

Artemis tried not to look so pleased at her sort-of compliment. "Watch your movie."

A few minutes later Victoria, who couldn't stand silence (at least around Artemis), piped up, "Did you know, that footage from Peter Pan was used to model Silver's mechanical arm?"

"Did you know, _Treasure Planet _cost Disney $70 million in unearned theater revenue?" Artemis shot back. He had done his research.

Victoria stuck out her tongue at him. "Yes, I did. But just like you, genius, the world could not appreciate the innovative masterpiece that is_ Treasure Planet_."

Victoria fixed her eyes back on the screen, a slight crease between her eyebrows. Apparently, Artemis had struck a cord. He'd have to remember that. But for right now, he just wanted to enjoy their first evening together as a couple.

As Jim was having his sentimental talk with Silver, Artemis's pale hand crossed the barrier of stuffing between them and caught Victoria's equally pale, if not slightly pinker, one. He squeezed gently, his eyes fixed on the movie, but not quite registering the action on the screen.

For a few moments there was silence, and the dark-haired youth enjoyed feelings the young woman's fingers folded between his own. Her hands were so small, her fingers a good inch shorter than his. Her hand was warm too, and the warmth spread up Artemis's arm and into his heart. He felt safe and yet in danger at the same time and his heart rate elevated, feelings he'd not had unless he was in literal danger.

Suddenly, the genius felt her hand slowly withdraw from his loose grasp. The safe and dangerous warmth disappeared, leaving his heart with a strange, empty feeling. His eyes jerked toward her, his mismatched eyes inquiring.

"Sorry," she said meekly, not meeting his gaze. "Your- it's distracting." She bit her lip, like she wanted to say more.

Now Artemis was curious more than hurt. "Why?" he asked.

"It-" Victoria concentrated furiously on Jim in the perp barrel, catching Morph. Even in the dimly lit room, the genius could see the American's blush. "It makes me too happy, OK? I can't focus on Jim."

Artemis grinned mischievously, happily. He grabbed her hand again, and held on tight. "Good."

Soon, after much protesting and whining on Victoria's part, the redhead found it possible to watch the film and hold Artemis's hand at the same time, though the genius didn't make it any easier.

"Artemis, stop it!"

"Stop what?"

"Rubbing my hand like that!"

Artemis raised his eyebrows, trying not to grin. "Pardon. I didn't realize I was doing it."

Victoria shook her head with a frown, jerked her hand away and folded her arms so her hands were concealed.

"Come now, don't be so temperamental." Artemis teased. When she made no smart comeback, he studied her more closely. She was putting up one of those walls she had when he first met her; walls that took him months to break. He pursed his lips, then said slowly. "If you don't want me to touch you, I get it, I understand. There are plenty of psychological studies to validate your feelings. I-" He looked back at the screen. They were to the part where Silver commits mutiny. "-I'm sorry."

That got Victoria's attention. Artemis tried not to smile as she looked over at him, eyebrow raised. "OK, what are you on?" She looked at the half-empty bowl in her lap. "Is there something in the popcorn?"

Artemis rolled his eyes at her melodrama. "I just don't want to quarrel with you," he said in his gentlest voice; he knew this tone made her weak. However, he couldn't help adding sarcastically, "It never ends well."

The redhead nodded. "Well, I forgive you. But I'll decide when I am touched, OK?" The youths turned back to the movie, Artemis a bit irritated, but patient. Victoria was practically incapable of self-control.

A couple of minutes later, Victoria yawned loudly. "Artemis, what time is it?" She asked, pulling two more pillows from the pile between them and hugging them to her chest.

Artemis looked at his Rolex. "8:45."

The American yawned again. "Man, why am I so tired? Don't answer that." She added quickly when the Irishman opened his mouth to reply. He yawned instead. They watched in silence for a few more minutes, Victoria drawing more and more pillows from the section between them. Finally,

"For being rich people, your pillows _stink_." Victoria pushed the plush away from her. "Either too soft or too itchy or furry. Seriously?"

"You sound like Goldilocks," Artemis pointed out, smiling to himself, his hands behind his head. She scooted away from the mound of pillows, toward her date. "Too much embroidery, too lumpy, too, um, _green_..." Artemis cracked a closed eyelid and looked at her then. She had a mischievous gleam in her eye, but her blush revealed her to be shy and nervous, and the genius wondered what she was planning.

"Too silky, too course..." Then, before he could register her movement, Victoria was snuggled up to Artemis's chin, her hands tucked into the crook of her neck as she lay against him. "Hmmm," she sighed. "Just right."

Artemis smiled triumphantly. "I thought you said touching me made you too happy." He grinned toothily. He ventured an arm around her shoulders. "You won't be able to focus on- _Jim_."

Victoria didn't look up at him, but he imagined she was rolling her eyes.

"Child, do you _know_ how many times I've watched this movie?" Her breathing was regular, but Artemis could feel her heart racing through where she was touching his side. "I'll survive."


End file.
